I was just telling a friend that you know your life has hit a new low when, after you put your babe down for a nap (and yes, you do say "Put her down," and yes, it does sound rather bad out of context) and she begins screaming bloody murder that a) you have to stop snickering because you think it's cute, b) you enter the room and say, "Ok, I have to check your butt," and c) you actually look forward to it. Checking the butt, that is.
It's because it's so cute. I can't help it.
I'm rather obsessed with baby butts. I mean, first of all, they are so cute, because they're all out of proportion. All round and they stick out like a bubble butt should. And then they're dimpled. I mean, how can anyone resist? Plus, the thighs attached to a cute little dimple butt (did I mention Miss Dimple Butt is one of her many nicknames already?), I mean, hers and her sister's look[ed] like the kind of dino thighs you see in cartoons. Or turkey thighs. Yes, I bite them too. Jealous, aren't you?
The other thing I just love doing is smacking them. I mean, giving it a seriously good whack. And then I say, "Smacka butt!" You see, babies don't care. You can squeeze their butt cheeks really hard or smack them equally hard and they don't bat a lash. Unless you teach them that, too, which of course I do. For my own amusement. And to devastate all the unsuspecting men at the local Trader Joe's.
One of my favorite photos--although it is true I have so many--is of me preparing to smack my older daughter's butt when she was about one, the same age as my younger is now. I have a look of mischief and of imminent satisfaction just suffusing my face. Pure joy.
Of course, I discovered with my first daughter that the strength I use in hitting them really does register because once she started smacking mine back, it hurt. Serves me right. I don't care. This is love. And I am certainly in love.
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